Why... Why...

A very very random thoughts.... 

Why did he do this to me? Did I do many things wrong? I know I am not a good or nice person.. I know I am never perfect, I have a lot of weaknesses and yet I am still learning to be a better person. I tried to change myself to what he wants but seems he didn't really see that. 


Where is the loyalty? I thought if you are having a r'ship with somebody means you have committed and will be serious about it. You will show your loyalty. I dun get it, his words "still having someone in mind"," there is still something that I can't let go", those words make me think "are you even serious with me since the beginning? " , even he said yes. I know this does not show your loyalty or seriousness. How could he say he is serious when he is trying hard to forget someone? this also makes me think did he really have feelings for me or he is just trying his feelings on me? 

If you are really serious in a relationship since the beginning, you wont be affected by other girl even that other girl has changed her behaviour, have become more open or able make you comfortable now. Because you will value your relationship and you know you are in relationship and you love your girlfriend as though she is the one. She is the right one. You wont have any second thought or someone you can't let go from the past in mind, if you truly love your girlfriend.

Even I said that I ll let him go if he want to leave, now I am seeing this, that he is taking this chance just to leave me and get to that girl that has changed her behaviour. Just because of this reason. I dunno what to say anymore. I am very serious about the relationship and yet I guess it is only me the one serious. He is not serious enough. I felt I was being cheated.

Well I just hope the best for him. Even I know he wont change his decision but at least I want him to know that what he has spent few days in ktn with that girl and what he has spend 1 and the half year with me is totally different. We have gone through a lot of things. And yet he chose that temporary moment he has with that girl. I know that girl is his high school friend, his first love, but those time has passed and now just because of this temporary meeting moment with her and with her changing behavior, he turns his back on me and take advantage over the opportunity that I give him. he didn't take my feeling seriously. he is just trying to use his feeling to me.. 

Its okay now.. Because I know that all the time I spend together with him is not a waste and I will cherish it.. and I know he doesn't need me anymore now.. 
All the best for that particular person...