Serious Person

I am a very serious person. I don't know when I start being this kind of person but I always know I am a serious kind of person. It's not that I can't joke generally. Being serious, make me sweat the small stuff more than I suppose to and it's because I choose too, but sometimes, I let it go just for the sake of letting go.

I have this kind of special relationship with words being spoken. Because when words are being said, it means you are ready for the consequences it may bring (positive or negative). So that's why I am serious about promises being made.

Because promise shows the seriousness and responsibility. Which is why for people who just simply put their promises out there for the sake of putting it, well it is a minus points in my eyes. Although it won't be that minus, if your actions speaks louder than your empty promises.

Nuff said.

Singapore Trip (But Let's Talk About KL A Little)

After more than 15 years of not stepping this super develop country called Singapore, I had the chance to visit it end of July 2017.  It is a super short year trip that I planned with my friend (Read: Debbie).

So basically we visited KL Malaysia first before heading to Singapore. I was actually not that excited going back to KL, because it had become my second home since long long time ago and visiting KL means like going back home for me. However, it is definitely different when you visit your home with your friend who doesn't really love KL. 

Check-Mate

So today, a person (let's just call him an acquaintance) asked me and my brother to send his stuff via Go*** app. And after we completed what he requested, we gave the stuff to the driver and the driver did his job.

After 2 hours of passing time and knowing that the stuff should be delivered to him, we got a message from him saying that the driver was impolite and asking parking money in addition when clearly there was no parking area in my house and the driver was obviously telling a lie. And this acquaintance demanded us to resolve this problem.

Feel to much

It's definitely weird to feel tears (cry a little) on my eyes when I was talking with strangers. I had encounter this a few times and today I feel the most weirdest.

It's not that I have "crying" issue or what, nope, nope, I think its because I feel too much. You know those moments when you were too upset or angry that tears started coming out of your eyes and you totally have no control of it, that's right, I have those moments a few times.

It happens today when I was talking with this driver that had come to pick things, well he chatted a bit about some technical problem stuff, and while I was explaining to him about how things work and gave him the solution as well, he still gave this "I am correct no matter what you say" vibe, that seriously making me think more and use another reasoning so that he can accept it (well, he did accept it. though). And after that, I feel tears slowly running down from my eyes, then I realize I was in tears while talking to him.

I know I feel too much I guess because when things had been logically placed and solved by the mind, the heart start to take control because the mind has done its deed, and today the heart went teary.

A Piece of Thought From Chinese New Year Gathering

The rooster come knocking at the door.

All the animals has gathered and prepared the feast specially for the rooster, why? Because it is the rooster year and, this means all the animals will have to face the ups and downs given from the rooster, in short play by the rooster's rules.

"Here he comes" said the dragon.

"The food is enough right? If it's not, I have more in the kitchen" asked the rabbit to none.

"It's enough, can we just wait first before deciding whether to add the food or not" said the sheep to the rabbit in a calm yet feverish tone.

And the rooster opened the door, and everyone clap their hands the moment the rooster entered.

The rooster gives a calm face with a smile saying "Thank you guys, this is my year, let's enjoy it to the fullest". Said the rooster proudly.

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On Chinese New Year eve, I had those scene playing in my mind while having dinner with my family from my mother's side. I imagined the rooster to be a little arrogant in personality but smart and have a vision on the future.

As I ate the fried chicken on my bowl, I began thinking about all of this food and people that celebrate the Chinese New Year Eve with a smile on their face, hiding their true feelings and just enjoy the moment.

Why I think like that? Because everyone gathered here to achieve that one goal and it is too be happy and to keep other family member out of worry.

The year of the monkey had given lots of unexpected events and circumstances that was totally out of control that only God can control. So the rooster year, since it started with a smile, hoping this smile lasts and truly become a smile from the heart and mind.

Sam Yang Noodle Challenge

Here is one of true facts about me: I can't eat spicy food and hot food.

Since I was a kid, my mom said I already dislike chili.

I used to feel weird about this because my whole family can tolerate spicy food and they love it while me, well I can only tolerate 0.01% of spiciness. Why 0.01%? Because I can eat food with pepper and chili in super small quantity (You know, like when you dip your french fries in the chili sauce for 2 times only, then eat the rest of the french fries plainly).

#JustSaying

If there is one thing I am allowed to see from the other person, I will wish to see their mind. It probably feel with disturbing thought if that person likes to think about negative thoughts that affect his/her particular mood.

I have always been curious about a person mind because where your mind goes, you will go. I am also curious of my mind when I keep on repeating the same pattern on and on. Decision making also comes from the mind, which is why the mind is very very important.

 I realize that negative thoughts that caused failures before doing is the ultimate enemy in oneself. And sometimes it is hard to defeat or keep the mind in control because it likes to wander freely especially to the past moments.

Well, it is not wrong to see the past sometimes and feel the nostalgic moment but when it becomes excessive, it is dangerous and deally for a person because the perception is clouded and it will affect the person action when facing out of control circumstances.

Be in control of your own mind. 

Tears From Polaris

So recently I rewatched a Taiwanese drama title "Sonria Pasta" that I used to watch around 10 years ago when I was in junior high school. And I still felt the genuine and childish feeling of mine from this drama, it was like I was looking at the 15 years old me.

Rewatching it gives me comfortable feeling and memories that I really miss.

And it's song Tears From Polaris by Nicholas Teo is still worth listening despite the old age. The feels are great!

Meeting Old Friends

On 13th of September, I met two of my very old friends from junior high school. It was a very new experience for me because the time we didn't meet was 10 years already.

New Habit

So I have started to pick this new running habit and it is hard, honestly. It is hard to show up and give it your all, especially when temptation like rain, period, priority and time are demanding for attention.

Even when I have set up schedule, it is still hard to do it. The hard part comes also from my very self. 

About Self Discovery

Yesterday, I finished reading "What I Talk When I Talk About Running" by Haruki Murakami which unexpectedly turned to be one of the best non-fiction books that I read in 2016 and immediately become one of my favorite books.

Towards myself

I have always believed that thoughts and feelings can be control. So when I watched one of Joyce Meyer talks in Youtube about "mind" and discover one of the verse in the bible about controlling thoughts and feelings, I know right away that what I believe is true.

Upon growing up, I had always been a person with low self-esteem. I easily admire people with confidence (until now I still do sometimes) and liked to compare myself to them. I used to hate myself because of the things I can't do yet others can do. And when I remember that now, I know it is part of my growing up process.

I had been a slave of unnecessary thoughts and feelings for a long time like wanting to impress everyone to make myself happy, like letting others negativity influenced me and many more. 

I used to hate how the way people does things that doesn't suit me or make me questioned "why the hell are they doing this? Don't they know this is not good?", but then I know clearly, I can control my thoughts and feelings towards myself about anything and I can choose as well negative or positive. 

Embrace The Gaps

A grip too hard
A heart too stubborn
A mind too straightforward

You see yourself worthy

A Special Day For Dad

Another day has come. For others, it is an ordinary day, but not for him.

This person who will pray day and night, who keep worrying about every tiny problems, who ask the same question over and over again just to irritate people, who will ask you directly without thinking, who will say "read bible, kid.", who will laugh when people thought he was rich, who will wake up earlier than you on Sunday Morning just to read bible before heading to church, who will tolerate your impatient, today is his special day.

He might not be the best dad. But I am grateful to have him here. There are times, I don't get his thinking and the way he does thing, and I will be lying if all of that doesn't irritate me, but I know he deserve respect. Because how he does things and how the way he thinks made him who he is today.

I never dream to become like my dad, but I do dream I can have that deep divine connection like he has.

Happy 55th Birthday, Dad! I might be far from the best daughter as I am not even worth that trophy, but I will be there. Thank you for everything. God bless.

I wonder....

You have to have big dreams.

I feel a little scared of those words. Big dreams, I haven't found it. For now, I just want one thing, a peaceful life where my mind and heart is in harmony and content. Honestly, big dreams give me some kind of a burden.

Quite An Experience.

Some weeks ago, I decided to have this rock climbing session at Tebing Parang, Purwakarta. I decided to try this new challenges. I don't think much of when deciding to join this challenges. I just thought it will be almost the same as hiking where you deal with nature.

Some Change isn't So Bad

The rhythmical melody of the pouring rain

Engulf her room and her thoughts

She write down her very first sentence to herself

"What are you thinking?"

Monopoly

Recently, my brothers and I are quite addicted to this board family game called Monopoly.

We used to play when we were very young where we were scared to death of going to jail in the game. But as for now, things change when we understand better about the game rules and restrictions.

Knowing More About Me - Bangkok Trip 2016

Just a couple of days ago, I went to Bangkok with my friend to have a holiday. Well, this is my first time going to Bangkok. So here are a few things I learnt about myself during the trip.

The Same Day

My morning is as usual as it is.

It's 5 am.